“Bend but not Break” may not seem like a song for children. It is a song without a clear rhyming scheme, it’s not upbeat, and it isn’t silly. It is a song that invites some rather deep thinking and feeling. Nope, doesn’t sound like the makings of a song for children, does it? And yet, it is. It is most definitely intended as a song for children, including our youngest. And it is a song that can support children and their families to find a way forward during this time of climate crisis and social injustices.
This past year, I read “Generation Dread” by climate researcher and author Dr. Britt Wray. One of the ideas I took from the book is how our capacity to feel difficult feelings about the climate crisis and social injustices fuels our potential for climate action. She writes:
“… when we avoid our emotions, we actually make them stronger. A lot of distress is caused, not by difficult feelings themselves, but by the feelings we have about our difficult feelings. We judge ourselves negatively for feeling anything ‘negative’, which paradoxically intensifies how terrible we feel. This resistance does not need to be there, though. If we remove the judgment, and learn to create some spatial awareness and acceptance around our feelings- by naming them, observing them, and eventually learning to sit with them with an element of curiosity- they actually do move through us. And as they do, they change how we show up in the world.”
-Dr. Britt Wray, from Generation Dread, from p. 129
Feeling our feelings – the easy ones, and the hard ones – is important. Nurturing our capacity to feel the whole range of feelings, particularly the difficult ones, is an important skill for us to develop as we work towards climate and social justice action. It is from feeling our feelings that we find the courage and conviction to take action. Dr. Britt Wray also shares:
“A world full of billions of people who understand their eco-distress as super-fuel and who have allowed their feelings to meaningfully reshape the deepest parts of themselves, is health by another name. It’s also the most environmentally connected, socially just, and fruitful world we could wish to build from here.”
-Dr. Britt Wray, from Generation Dread, p. 11
It is important for us to make safe spaces for our children to feel all of their feelings. Music can support this work, because it has an uncanny ability to create the space for us to connect directly with our hearts, helping us access and explore our feelings. I have been bringing together Dr. Britt Wray’s work and my own experiences as a songwriter and educator, and would like to offer an idea: offering children the opportunity to connect with their feelings through music has the potential to impact a child’s capacity to enact positive change in their lifetime. If we can teach children at a young age that it is safe and important to make space for all of their feelings, then they will develop the skills needed to continue to feel their feelings. As they grow older, they will have a greater capacity to use this ability as a superpower to take action and work towards positive change in our world.
“Bend, but not Break” is a song I offer to support this work. It is a slow, delicate song that producer and multi-instrumentalist Joel Schwartz and I tended to with great care. We worked together to create space in this tune for harder feelings. “Bend, but not Break” is a song to share with children, to marvel together at the strength of trees and all they have to teach us about how to sit with hard feelings. Having dropped all of their leaves, the trees stand tall as the cold winter winds and snow arrive; the trees teach us that it’s okay for things not to be easy, that we can learn to bend, but not break. That we can feel all the feelings, and find our way forward.
“Bend, but not Break” is not just a song for children; it is one for adults, too. We all need support in creating time and space to sit with our feelings. Dr. Britt Wray speaks of the importance of caregivers tending to their emotions first, so they may increase their capacity to support children with their emotions. So I offer this song to the young and the old- may it welcome you in and offer a space for the hard feelings you might make space for today.
This song has done so for me. I wrote it in a moment when I was stepping into heavy, sad feelings around my Grandma Aino, who was suffering with dementia. Holding those feelings in my heart, I looked to the trees, and in an instant, this song was gifted to me. I sing “Bend, but not Break” to open myself up and to connect with the wisdom of the trees in the late fall in the land here where I live, Williams Treaty Territory. I’m grateful for the gift of this song and the opportunity to share it with you. I hope that it will be supportive to you, your family, and the children in your life.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the ideas I’m offering here, and if you have resources to share, please do! I am always keen to build knowledge alongside you, and to find our way together. You can leave a comment or drop me a note on my comments page.
If you would like to connect further with my work, please consider joining my Patreon account! I share many resources there, including song lyrics, chords and colouring pages for children that connect directly to my Land Heart Song songs! Here is what the resources for “Bend, but not Break” look like:
FURTHER RESOURCES:
I mentioned how Dr. Britt Wray shares how it is important that adults tend to their own emotions around the climate crisis, and about the conflicts and social injustices in our world. As you do so, please take good care of yourself. This is no easy time that we are living through together. Please reach out and get support for your mental health if you need it. In an emergency, please call 911. Here are more resources that may support you as well:
For adults 18+: Wellness Together Canada 1-855-585-0445
For those under 18: Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
If you would like to connect more with the work of Dr. Britt Wray, check out Generation Dread or sign up for her newsletter.
Sending big love,
Tiiu
Land Heart Song 